


Forget-me-not

by LandladyoftheGreenhouses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Series, Post-War, Rare Characters, Romance, Room of Requirement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-02-28 07:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2723942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LandladyoftheGreenhouses/pseuds/LandladyoftheGreenhouses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Right before the war Hannah and Neville become closer than friends. The Battle of Hogwarts leaves them shaken and confused in a world that doesn't seem to be the same it was before. When their ways part it will take a lot of effort...and luck to get back to the one you truly love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Room of Requirements

“Ouch!“ winced Neville as Hannah put some paste on his wound.

“Hold still!“ said Hannah with a stern voice although she was smiling. “I’ll be done in a second.”

She was trying to patch up his fresh wounds that he gained on a mission aimed at the Carrows this morning. She was also checking up on some older ones. Everyone else who had been on the mission today was already looked after, including herself. Neville had insisted to wait for everyone else although his wounds were by far the biggest ones. As the somewhat official healer of the much bigger Dumbledore’s Army in the Room of Requirements Hannah didn’t approve at all but what could she do? He was not only stubborn but also their leader now that Ginny and Luna were gone.

 “There you go. All done.” she smiled down at him.

“Thanks, Hannah,” he said almost shyly. “I feel a lot better already.”

“Glad to hear that. Wouldn’t want to lose our most important man, would we?!” she said jokingly while she sat down next to him on the only bed she had in her little healer corner. During the night they slept in hammocks.

“Look at those two over there…” she gave a nudge into the direction of a Ravenclaw and a Gryffindor boy taking a nap. They had fallen asleep sharing a hammock and holding hands.  “They look so peaceful.” She gave a deep sigh. “I hope all this could be over soon. I hate it! And it is just going to get worse.” She sounded almost defeated; like someone who had been in this too long. Someone who had suffered too much.

 Neville put his right arm around her and gave her a squeeze. Hannah’s left arm moved around his waist so naturally she didn’t even notice.

They had both gotten a lot better with physical contact in the past weeks and months. Hannah had lost count how long she had been in the Room of Requirements. She had been one of the very first along with almost all original members of the DA.

 The days were filled with planning and carrying out missions that got more reckless each time. No matter how many people joined them however, the nights stayed long and lonely. The first few weeks Hannah had trouble sleeping. She missed her mother who was killed by Death Eaters last year and she not only missed her father but she was worried sick about him. He was a pureblood so she wouldn’t have been too worried if he wasn’t a blood traitor (Merlin, how she hated that term!). The Death Eaters certainly had an eye on him and she hoped he wouldn’t do anything imprudent.

No one in the Room of Requirements had been able to contact their families. That had been one thing they hadn’t managed to get the room to do. Providing living things like owls must be one of the limitations of the room.

Shortly after coming here however, Hannah had become the healer of the DA. She had learnt a lot about plants from her grandmother plus she had always been good at Herbology and Potions. From her Muggle mother and grandmother she had also learnt a few things about Muggle medicine which had come in handy. To keep herself busy during her sleepless nights, she had thus resolved to mixing creams and potions and build up a decent stock.

Sometimes Neville would join her and ask the room for specific things she required. They had been friends before through the DA and sometimes they had partnered up in Herbology, but during the nights their conversations had revolved around entirely different things. At first they had both been a bit reserved, but they had felt so comfortable around each other that their mutual shyness had quickly melted away.

One night, he had found her crying while she was frantically mixing more healing potions and creams in preparation for one of their missions the following day. He had tried to comfort her for a while and had then brewed a calming draught because she wouldn’t calm down no matter how much he tried to comfort her. He had told Hannah about how Snape used to treat him during potions but now that that man (she’d never liked him either) wasn’t breathing down his neck, he did more than fine.

After that incident, they had regularly found themselves talking late at night while the rest of them were sleeping. At first they just talked about her mother and how much she missed her. Then he told her about his parents. He also told her that he had never told anyone about them because he was afraid.  Hannah was surprised she had been one of the few people to gain his trust. But then again, if he was as comfortable talking to her as it was easy for her to talk to him, maybe it wasn’t surprising at all.

Either way, they had become even more comfortable with each other. So quickly and naturally as blinking an eyelid. Just a few days later, hugs had become a norm and holding on to each other falling asleep became regular a occasion. Just being close to someone was so much more comforting than anything else. They had never talked about it and since nothing else ever happened between them, Hannah thought there was no need to.

If she was honest though, she was too scared to ask. When Ginny had still been here she had once asked whether they were a couple. After Hannah had just blushed but didn’t answer, she dropped the subject. The truth was that Hannah was too uncomfortable talking about it. She had no definition for this kind of situation so what was she supposed to say? She just enjoyed it while it lasted. Hannah could already hear some girls whispering when he walked by. After the war, surely, he would not have any need for her comfort.

“I know. I also wish it could all be over soon”, he answered. “But it will be over one day and we can start building a life. A free and happy one, hopefully.”

Hannah turned her head to look at him. She gave him a sad smile and then said: “Thanks for trying to cheer me up but will we? So many people have been lost already, so many families destroyed.” She paused. “I mean just look at our families.”

“I know”, he said again, “but that doesn’t mean that life stops or that we can never be happy again. There is always life after war, there are new tasks to fulfill and new families to build…”

Hannah couldn’t see Neville’s face turn red but she tightened her grip on his waist instinctively.

“Yeah you are right…sometimes everything just seems so pointless without her.” Neville knew she was talking about her mother.

They fell silent.

Hannah only snapped out the memories of her mother when Neville moved beside her and got up. All of the sudden she felt cold without him next to her. But he only went the few feet over to the little sink so he could wash his face. He winced a few times but reclined her offer to help him. Then he came back over and crouched down in front of her.

“One day it will be over and these days will be nothing but a distant memory. An unpleasant memory, but a memory after all.” He looked into her eyes while saying that as if he wanted to make sure that his words reached her. Apparently he knew by now that sometimes these things didn’t quite sink in when she was anxious.

“I promise,” he added while stroking her cheek. Hannah nestled her face into his hand and closed her eyes. Could it stay like this forever, please? She felt so safe, so calm. When she heard Neville give a little sigh she opened her eyes again. For a second they just looked at each other. Hannah couldn’t look away even as she could feel her face getting warmer. Then she saw something shift in Neville’s eyes.

Was he nervous?

He seemed as if he wanted to say something but then stopped and gave a sigh.

“What is it?” asked Hannah frowning. Somehow she felt as if her stomach was tingling.  All of the sudden she was nervous as well although she didn’t even know what for.

Finally Neville stuttered: “M- May, may I kiss you, Hannah?” He blushed furiously.

Hannah was startled. Weirdly, she hadn’t seen that coming. After a second she couldn’t help herself but smile so broadly her cheeks hurt. She must look like an idiot right now, she thought.

Had he really just said what she thought he’d said?

She was even more nervous now. She wasn’t sure if she’d heard him correctly. In an attempt to hide her ridiculous smile she bowed down and ran her cheek over his. Better to test the waters in case he hadn’t said what she thought he’d said. But he didn’t push her away as she could feel his stubble softly scratching her skin and her stomach started to tingle even more. She must be safe then.

Her heart started beating furiously with what she was about to do. She placed a timid kiss on his cheek. “Y-yes you may,” she mumbled against his skin.

Oh Merlin, despite just having returned from a mission he smelled so good.

Now she felt his face slowly move in her direction. Her heart started positively stumping in her chest but deep down she had never been so calm.

And then his lips were on hers. Carefully, as if to try out this new sensation, they were just tiny, hesitant kisses in the beginning. Steadily they grew more and more urgent until they were kissing so passionately that Hannah’s stomach was glowing from within and her fingers were clawing to the back of his shirt. Neville slowly stood up and pulled her with him just so that he could put his arms around her and hold her tighter by pulling her close to his chest. Hannah had never felt so safe. If it were up to her she wouldn’t mind if they stayed like this forever. But eventually they had to break apart and gasp for air. Breathing heavily, they looked at each other, smiling. Still holding each other close, Neville was stroking both of her cheeks now as he held her face and a few smaller kisses followed.

Oh Hannah couldn’t wait to do this again!

The next moment however, her heart sank and her smile died. Out of the corner of her eye she had noticed the portrait that led to the Hog’s Head move. Ariana had come and was waving in Neville’s direction. He had already followed Hannah’s gaze and gave a little moan of…was that disappointment? They both looked at each other and suddenly Hannah felt excited.

“Do you think – Do you think it’s them?” She said catching her breath.

“I don’t know. Let’s find out!” said Neville giving a shrug.

 And with that he pulled her close once more and gave her one last kiss. Then he jumped through the portrait hole and Hannah watched him follow the young girl along the path in the picture until they both disappeared. Slowly she became aware of a few people watching her closely. They had noticed her and Neville. She blushed and pretended cleaning up her work place but instead she just made a mess knocking things over and spilling them. Cursing under her breath she cleaned everything up again while her thoughts were in a world of their own. With a jolt she was pulled back to reality when a loud cheer broke out from everyone around her. Eyes wide, she saw that they had really come. Harry, Ron and Hermione were finally here and all of the sudden everything else was forgotten.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Thank you so much to my betas [bunny-mittens](http://bunny-mittens.tumblr.com/), [mariuspondmercy](http://mariuspondmercy.tumblr.com/) and [OtterandTerrier](http://otterandterrier.tumblr.com) for all the corrections, suggestions and encouragement. You are all so awesome and kind!

 


	2. Azaleas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neville visits Hannah at St. Mungo's after the Battle of Hogwarts.

Neville walked into the room as quietly as he possibly could, clutching a bunch of flowers. Azalea Formosa or simply Azeleas, as they were called. The ones he had picked in his grandmother’s garden had a beautiful pinkish hue to them - just like Hannah’s cheeks. Neville blushed at the thought but thankfully it was dark inside the hospital room at St. Mungo’s. Only a street lamp illuminated a few patches with its dim orange light. He had trouble finding his way through the room but Hannah’s light blond hair was weakly standing out in the darkness to let him the way.

Stumbling over something he sat in the chair next to her bed. He conjured a vase and some water out of thin air and placed the flowers on her nightstand. There were a lot of other flowers lined up on the window sill next to her bed. She was so loved. Almost hesitatingly he took her right hand in both of his.

Hannah was asleep and she would be asleep for as long as he could stay. The healer, Bernie, who let him in a considerable time after visiting hours also told him she had been given a dreamless sleeping draught. She had a few minor injuries, a severe concussion and a deep cut from a curse that wouldn’t stop bleeding for two days. They had finally managed to close the cut yesterday. On top of that she had terrible night terrors, reliving what she had seen during the battle. Neville’s heart broke just thinking about it.

Of course Neville had no right in getting the information from a healer but it had its advantages spending so much time in St. Mungo’s growing up. Bernie had once worked on the permanent ward where Neville’s parents lived and took pity on him after Neville pleaded to see her. Also, and he blushed again, he told Bernie that he was Hannah’s boyfriend to be able to see her. That was a blatant lie but it had done the trick.

What a great boyfriend he would be, Neville thought, turning up here after four days late at night.

He hadn’t meant to be here so late of course but the past few days had been a whirl wind. He looked for Hannah everywhere right after the battle but hadn’t found her. For a short while he thought she was among the dead. At that moment he felt as if the ground fell out underneath his feet. But then a list was hung outside the Hospital Wing of all the people transferred to St. Mungo’s and Hannah’s name was on that list.  Neville never felt so relieved in his life.

At the same time there were masses of people congratulating him, wanting to talk to him, asking him question after question. He must have managed to sleep at some point because it was dark again when Kingsley offered him and a few other DA members Auror positions. He left it up to them if they wanted to join immediately or in a couple of months. But there was still a large amount of Death Eaters on the run after the battle; Rudolphus Lestrange among them. That fact alone made Neville want to join immediately. He had found his courage, he wasn’t going to let it slip away again. Tomorrow morning he was off for training. His entire life Neville had never been so determined.

He had also been determined to never take his eyes off of Hannah if she was still alive but after the initial relief had worn off he wasn’t so sure anymore. Whatever had been between them seemed like a lifetime away now. When Hannah woke up there was no guarantee she would still feel the same. Everything was different now. In a world of peace, Neville was only going to be one of many to a girl as pretty as Hannah. Sure, he now seemed to have the whole snake-killing-bit on his side which oddly made people treat him like a hero, but what did that mean in the end? He had only done what anyone in his situation would have. Merlin, what if she woke up and realized she had made a mistake and actually preferred Barnabas the Barmy over him?

And yet, the memories of her body next to him, keeping him warm in the Room of Requirements were so fresh. It almost felt as if she had been cuddled up in his arms only moments ago. And that kiss of course, that moment of bliss... – Neville’s thoughts trailed off into the distance carried by the sound of Hannah’s slow breathing.

Pulling his thoughts back from a corner of his brain that was filled with memories of her was a huge effort. Staring at Hannah’s face through the darkness, attempting to make out her features, Neville tried to straighten out his thoughts.

He had so desperately hoped he could talk to her tonight, letting her know in person. A selfish part of him wanted her comfort even though she was the one that was in need of comfort clearly. So perhaps it was a good thing he couldn’t talk to her. That way he wouldn’t have to see the worry in her eyes. She had been through enough. He had no right to cause her any more pain.  Now he had to come up with a different plan. His only option seemed to be writing a letter and explain what had happened in the past few days and why he left without talking to her. The mere thought gave him a headache. What in Merlin’s name was he going to write? What if she didn’t even care anymore? So much had happened between their kiss and now. At the fleeting thought of the kiss Neville’s stomach made a little flip.

The whole world had shifted in the meantime. So he had to be quite cautious with what to write. He didn’t want to scare her off in case things had changed for her. He couldn’t sound like the lovesick fool he quite possibly was. Oh Merlin, he would worry about the details later. Maybe he shouldn’t even write her that letter. But that would seem rude. Why in Merlin’s name was all this just so confusing? He was completely lost.

Hannah shifted in her sleep and let out a deep sigh. For a moment Neville stiffened, scared he might have woken her. Thumping back into reality he realized he had lost track of time. For all he knew he could have been here for hours. With a heavy heart he gave her hand a tentative kiss, got up and left as quietly as possible.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

** Thank you so much to my betas  ** **[bunny-mittens](http://bunny-mittens.tumblr.com/) and [mariuspondmercy](http://mariuspondmercy.tumblr.com/). ** **  
**


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah is battling with the aftermath of the war.

!!! TRIGGER WARNING: PTSD, MENTIONS OF WAR AND DESCRIPTION OF DEATH !!!

Hannah was lying in her bed staring at the ceiling. She really wanted to get up but she simply couldn’t. Her dad was taking good care of her now, doing his best to make her eat or sleep or go outside. Physically, she was fully recovered after the healers at St. Mungo’s were done with her. Her soul however was wounded. Hannah had fought and a few times it had been close for her but what didn’t let go of her, what was slowly taking over her life, were them. The faces she saw carrying the wounded and dead from the battlefield, what she saw when she was trying to help Madam Pomfrey in-between the battles. So many horrible things. Eyes blankly staring into space, all life gone from them. Blood everywhere, sticking to her clothes and her skin, the smell making her sick to her stomach. Underage students that had stayed, so tiny and innocent, so weak from the pain and barely alive. Some people horribly transfigured from curses. The people that had fallen over the barriers fighting on top of the towers, their limbs bending at awkward angles, unrecognizable.

And then, then there had been this boy. He must have been a year above Hannah, tall and burly once but now looking small, fragile almost. The Slytherin emblem on his uniform was drenched in blood.  All she could do was hold his hand as he kept asking for his mummy, crying and moaning from the pain. There was nothing else Madam Pomfrey could do for him. She stroked his face and kept telling him his mum would be there soon, the lie burning in her mouth. In her helplessness she started humming a song, which seemed to calm him down a little bit until eventually the light left his eyes. All of the sudden Hannah felt as if someone had turned the volume up so loud all the screaming seemed to hurt her ears. There was just not enough she could do. This boy wasn’t the only one, he was just the most memorable one. She watched countless people die that night, some had been her own friends and Hannah had desperately pretended they were just asleep.

Pressing her eyes tightly shut Hannah tried to close off a new wave of memories rushing over her. They never left her, they haunted her, they came back for her at night and several times a day without warning, letting her relive the terror and the pain.

As the wave subsided, Hannah was left shaking and covered in a layer of cold sweat. Her fingers were cold and numb as she pushed some wet hair out of her face. She felt so drained she was ready to go back to sleep although she had just woken up. If you could even call it that. It was more a series of dozing off for a few minutes, at least that’s what it felt like, terrible nightmares, and then lying awake afterwards.

Since there was nothing that really mattered anymore she turned to the side and stared at the wall without even seeing it. She wanted to go back to sleep but she couldn’t close her eyes, terrified of what she might see next time she fell asleep. So she just lay there and waited for sleep to wash over her. Hannah was too exhausted to get upand put the CD player back on. Music helped her fall asleep. It drowned out the screams and cries she could hear when it got very quiet. Her wand was lying right next to her but she didn’t even feel strong enough to lift it. She didn’t even care.

After a few minutes, which might as well could have been hours, Hannah heard a tap on the window. She really didn’t care what it was but the sound got so irritating that it took all her strength to slightly lift her head up to look out of the window right above her headboard. It was an owl Hannah hadn’t seen before. She couldn’t let the poor thing out there so she moved slowly to open the window and let the owl in. She only now realized that it was a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining, radiating off the leaves on the trees and the whole garden was the richest shade of green you only see in late spring. Beyond that were houses, not the rolling hills she was used to seeing from her bed room window. They now lived on the outskirts of London, moving here after her mum had been murdered and their house burned to the ground. Her heart gave a little pang as home sickness almost gave her the rest. Hannah closed the window swiftly and let the blind down. “Whatever. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it!”. Hannah had no idea how often she told herself not to think about it and yet she almost always failed. Her mother, oh god how much she missed her mother. The pain was so intense Hannah had to bend down to hold on to her night stand for a while. She could physically feel the pain in the pits of her stomach. Her precious mummy was just gone. She left her with a father that was so much in pain himself, he was almost unable to help Hannah. The only one that truly helped her was her aunty, her mum’s twin sister. She was a muggle but she knew about what Hannah and her dad were. She wanted Hannah to go and see a doctor but how could she tell them about a wizarding war? Plus, it was bad enough to be forced to relive everything over and over, there was no way she could go back there willingly to talk about it.

Finally she came back up again, the sudden movement making her feel dizzy and see stars. Taking a deep breath, she relieved the owl of its letter. When she realized who it was from her heart dropped. She started sweating again. There was no way she would be dealing with this too. Numb all over she went into the kitchen and got the owl something to nibble. Stroking it she realized what a beauty it was.

“Sorry sweetheart”, she said, “but I won’t be sending a reply today.”

The owl gave a low hoot and Hannah let it back outside, making sure to close the blinds again. She then took another look at the letter she had carelessly thrown on her bed before she went to the kitchen. She really didn’t want to read it. There was so much to deal with already. But not reading it felt like a betrayal to their friendship. So she opened the letter and began to read:

_Dear Hannah,_

_How are you? I hope that you are doing well despite everything._

_I wish I could have told you in person but everything is happening so quickly these days. I just wanted to inform you that I have joined the Auror Department and am currently in training. Unfortunately I cannot tell you where or when I will be back._

_I was able to visit you at St. Mungo’s  after I returned from Hogwarts. Please let me know how you are._

_I hope we’ll see each other soon._

_Yours,_

_Neville_

The note was hastily scribbled down. Hannah felt numb. She felt overwhelmed with emotions and she was terrified without knowing why. This was Neville, she liked Neville. Still, it was all too much. Hannah could feel nausea stirring in the pits of her stomach. Reading the letter over and over until the words were dancing in front of her eyes, she wished she could think of something to reply. Hannah could not imagine having the strength to talk about how she was really feeling. She couldn’t face it and at the same time she was ashamed she could not face it. Letting the letter sink into her lap her mind wondered to the nights they had spend together. How safe and loved she had felt. It was almost as if she could smell him. The Hannah of just a few days ago would have been ecstatic and more than that about receiving a letter from Neville.

At that moment she heard the familiar sound of the green flames in the fire place which signalled the arrival of her father. Without a second thought Hannah threw the letter at the rubbish bin, which caught it and started to chew it up.

Unfortunately the Hannah from a few days ago was no longer here.

**Thank you again to my lovely betas[otterandterrier](http://otterandterrier.tumblr.com/) and [mariuspondmercy](http://mariuspondmercy.tumblr.com/), who beta-ed this thing twice. **

**I’m sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I was done with it months ago. But I had trouble getting it right (I’m still not sure I did Hannah’s desperation justice) and then my native English beta couldn’t beta this one. I really don’t want to put anything up that is not beta-ed by a native speaker but I hope you could still enjoy this chapter. If you are willing to beta the next chapter, which is already half way done, or know someone who might be willing to let me know.**


	4. The Funeral

Neville made his way into the building. There were rows of chairs all facing the same direction. At the front was a coffin surrounded by flowers and there was a picture of Beth. Hers had been one of the last bodies they had retrieved from the destroyed castle. That’s why the funeral was quite late. Neville had been to so many funerals in the past weeks. He hoped this would be the last one in a while. The Auror department always granted him and the others in training leave whenever they wished to travel to any of them. As the leader of the DA, Neville had the sad duty to attend all of them. It had been draining and he was so tired of it all. Every time he attended a funeral everything came crashing back down on him. And yet, he had the slight hope of seeing – and talking -  to Hannah each time. However, her injuries must have prevented her from attending any of the funerals so far. He tried not to get his hopes up even if Beth had been one of Hannah’s closest friends in the DA. Neville remembered her as a brave fighter who once blew up the statue of Meredith the Magnificent riding on a unicorn to hold off the Carrows who were chasing them. He couldn’t believe that was only a few months ago and that feisty Beth was now supposed to lie in that coffin encompassed by sturdy wood. She was so tiny, the coffin seemed too big for her.

In the first row he saw a woman rocking back and forth. She looked gaunt and her eyes looked empty. She hadn’t been crying. Obviously she was beyond tears. Her husband’s arm was around her back. He looked just as depleted but he was trying his best to support his wife. Neville’s heart became even heavier.

Out of the corners of his eyes he saw someone waving. He turned and saw a very sombrely Ginny gesticulating him to take the seat she had been saving for him.

“Hello everyone,” he said quietly.

“Hello Neville,” came the mumbled response.

“It’s so nice to see you,” said Hermionewho sat in between Ron and Harry. Ginny was sitting closest to him now and gave him a weak smile.

“Nice to see you, too.”, he murmured. He gave his friends a quick glance and was relieved to see that all three of them had gained some weight and looked a lot healthier, if very mournful.

“Oh Neville, I can’t believe they got Beth of all people!” Ginny’s voice sounded breathy, “she was so quick and always so skilled at anything we did in the DA. Do you remember how she blew up the statue of Meredith the Magnificent right in the Carrows faces?”. She sounded close to tears and was holding on to Harry’s arm tightly with both of hers. As she was speaking however, she had let go with one arm and taken his hand.

“Yes, I remember. I was just thinking the same actually. So horrible.”.  Ginny nodded and put her head on Harry’s shoulder. After a pause Neville added: “o you know how it happened?”

“Bellatrix,” he growled turning back at him. Neville felt her hand tighten around his. “I know you shouldn’t say that no matter what but I am so glad that horrible...creature... is dead.“

Harry gave a snide laugh. “Oh yeah, I bet she would really appreciate – “

But Neville didn’t hear any more of what he said. He had just spotted Hannah walking down the aisle leaning on a round man with a kind but exhausted face. Judging by his gray and thin hair, he was in his fifties. A few rows down she was greeted by Susan and Ernie who both hugged her tightly. Hannah then sat down beside them with the man that could only be her father. Neville stared at her tiny frame and her blonde hair flowing over her back.

As opposed to Harry, Ron and Hermione; she seemed to have lost weight. From what he could see in the few seconds before she passed him, Neville could see that her skin was waxy and had a slight gray colour. There were dark circles beneath her red eyes, which stared off into the distance as if only her body was here but nothing more. Neville was shaken by what he saw. His initial reaction was to jump up, go over to her and hold her as long as it took for life to return to her.  If it took until all eternity, so be it. But this was not the time and place for such behaviour. Plus, this was not how real life worked, Neville painfully remembered. So instead, he kept looking at her back silently willing her to turn around. Hannah, however, did not.

“You alright, Neville?”, Harry said.

Neville reluctantly tore his eyes away from Hannah’s back to find all four of his friends looking back at him.

“Yeah, yes, ”, Neville said, flustered and aware that all of them had seen him stare at Hannah Abbott like a madman. He could feel his cheeks warm up. Clearing his throat he added:  “I’m fine”.

He turned to face the front again as music started playing. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Ron smiling, shaking his head and then turning around. Ginny kept looking at him for a few seconds but he ignored her until she leaned towards him, squeezing his hand.

“Neville, I know you and Hannah like each other. What’s happened?”, she whispered. 

Neville looked at her now, trying to think of how to reply to that question.

“Well, we sort of kissed, I guess.”, he said blushing even more. Ginny smiled. It was the first time in a long while that he’d seen someone smile genuinely. “But that was before the battle.”

Ginny seemed as if she wanted to say something but at that moment the speaker, Neville didn’t know who it was, welcomed the attendees. Both of them turned to listen. Well, Ginny might have listened. Neville couldn’t pay attention to what the speaker said. All he could focus on was the tiny figure a few rows down, her hair shimmering in the sunlight streaming in through the windows.

While the funeral service went on, Neville seemed to remember every conversation he had ever had with Hannah. Her voice sounded clear and warm in his mind. It was so easy to see her face alight with a smile and her eyes twinkling looking up at him, her lashes so long they touched the skin just under her eyebrows. And then her face got closer as he conjured his most precious memory of them both. He could almost see the soft brown eyes looking at him nervously but full of affection and then fluttered shut the same moment he had closed his. Neville could almost feel her skin under his fingers, worrying he might scratch her with rough, damaged skin. She had felt so very right in his arms, with hers around his neck. Her fingernails lightly stroking his neck so it send one shiver after the other down his spine. Hannah’s body had pressed tighter against his for a second and he was suddenly even more aware of the heat that radiated off her and made his stomach glow. How she had managed to get her lips so incredibly soft, he had no idea but they felt like pure bliss. Actually touching the tip of her tongue had been more intimate than anything Neville had ever experienced before. He would give anything to have her this close again, so entirely his as he was hers.

After a while the memories seamlessly morphed into daydreams, dreams in which Hannah still wanted him, still liked him, wanted to repeat that kiss just as much as him. Daydreams where everyone else in this room disappeared and he moved over to her. In dreams it is as easy as snapping your fingers to wipe away distress as deep as Hannah’s. He imagined what it would be like to kiss her again, feel her hair and smell the scent of her skin, which was unlike anything Neville had ever smelled before. And of course, what it would be like to see her happy again, her eyes sparkling at him.

Then he realized that Hannah was getting up. The service was over. He had not listened to a single word. He felt slightly ashamed of having paid Beth this little respect. Stuck in the middle of the row Neville watched Hannah now walk up the aisle, face down and staring at the floor. Once again Neville willed her to lift her gaze and notice him but she didn’t. She disappeared through the door and Neville lost sight of her.

Finally outside, Neville searched the small groups of people that had stayed behind and were still chatting away. Hannah was nowhere to be seen.

“I guess she’s already left. I can’t see her anywhere.”, Ginny said sympathetically. Neville hadn’t even noticed she was looking at him.

Neville could feel himself blush. “Yes, I guess so,” he replied.

“Listen, Neville,” she continued, “I know this is not the time but have you spoken to her since...since that day?”

“I – I’ve send her a letter, letting her know what I am doing now,” Neville said shyly, “Do you think that was wrong?”, he added hastily as the thought shot through his head.

“No, no, not at all.”, Ginny was quick to reassure him, “Just give her time. She’s clearly beside herself like so many others after what’s happened. I’m sure deep down she still feels the same. She just might not be able to, you know, access them right now.”

Neville nodded slowly, mulling over her words.

“Her feelings after the War might be so overwhelming that its crushing everything else. Or I don’t know – there could be a million other reasons why she’s not replied that have nothing at all to do with her feelings for you. I mean, she is clearly struggling with something,” she continued looking worried.

“D’you think there’s something I can do?”, he asked pensively.

Ginny shook her head almost imperceptibly. “If she doesn’t reply to your letter, she probably needs time to heal. I hope when she’s ready she’ll write to you. Hannah likes you, Neville. Please don’t doubt that. Also, even if she’d ask you for help, what would you be able to do, off chasing remaining Death Eaters?”

Neville kept nodding slowly. There was not much he had to offer he had to admit. There was no question of giving up haunting Death Eaters. What good was a possible life with Hannah when there were still people out there trying to hurt her again; any of them might be the murderer of her mother. Neville was determined to find them.

“Let’s go?”, Ron asked Neville.

“Yes,” Neville said with finality, “Let’s go back.”.

 *************************************************************************************************************************************************

**Thank you to my wonderful betas[mariuspondmercy ](http://mariuspondmercy.tumblr.com/)and [Tie-dyed-Julia](http://pleasant-valley-sundaes.tumblr.com/).**


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